Montessori Secret Ingredient is…YOU
Hello, Hello!
So… you know Montessori?! You read the books, you truly believe in the method, you have set up a Montessori space in your home, you are committed to the philosophy, you purchased some Montessori inspired materials, you embrace the importance of the focus on child-directed learning, your little may even attend a Montessori school. You’ve done all the things and your child LOVES his school/Montessori environment and the guide tells you how much he is thriving and enjoying his time there. However, somehow, the Montessori ‘thing’ isn’t working for you in your home or day to day. You may be asking, “Why? Why is this not coming together like it should? What am I missing? What do I need to complete the picture? What is the ‘thing’ that makes Montessori work?” I am here to say, “Hey Mama! I hear you, I see you, I feel you and I am here to help you!”
So, here is the secret, the magic potion, the thing that is needed for Montessori to truly work its magic is… YOU! Yes, YOU! Wait… what? Yeah, you heard that right. In this magic recipe, the most important ingredient is you. Read on to find out what this is all about.
Maria Montessori, the genius, the marvel, one of my personal heroes, happened on her discoveries of children actually by accident. She was a physician (Italy’s first BTW- whoop whoop!) and came to work with children in a clinic for psychiatry in Rome. Her initial work was of a scientist, so she used her skills of observation to watch the children closely. This is what guided her discoveries of them and in figuring out what was lacking for them in the system at the time. She realized that children were void of purpose, and lacking attention and respect of the adults around them. After opening her own school room, the first Casa de Bambini, or ‘children’s house,’ which was meant to serve children of working families left to their own devices in the streets of San Lorenzo, Italy, during the working hours, Montessori came to find that these children wanted to belong, they wanted to engage in activity, they wanted to be involved in their surroundings and they wanted to work. However, the piece that was missing in these children’s lives was the adult to notice and therefore care enough to provide for the child’s needs. There was a non-presence of adults to hold children to a specific level of respect to warrant the care and attention that they were yearning for. This discovery, this awakening of the need for a shift in the adult’s view of children and how they are to be treated was one of the first principles that Montessori valued in what she would develop into her philosophy, the Montessori Method.
Fast forward nearing 115 years, and this detail, this essential need, this absolutely crucial piece is still not widely accepted as one of the key aspects in having a true implementation of the Montessori Method be successful, both in the classroom and the home. This reality is what I feel is the missing ingredient and want to therefore help in guiding families achieve.
The Montessori Method is not a form of education, but rather a way of living in the appreciation and respect of all humans, especially of children who have us to depend on. Their whole existence is left in our hands, literally, and it is up to us grown-ups to recognize this and strive to amplify our own advances in providing the best that we can for our children, so that they may have the opportunities they deserve to become fully actualized humans of the world.
Checklist:
- Understanding of Montessori philosophy- check!
- Montessori-at-Home environment- check!
- Montessori inspired materials- check!
- Montessori developed adult… work in progress…
So, how do we do this? How do we come to be this much needed provider of the absolutely necessary positive, accepting and respectful ‘human environment’ for our child? That’s a great question!!! Here are my top 10 strategies to becoming the best ingredient in this magic recipe for your Montessori magic!
1. Work to be the best model that you can be:
Be the best model that you can be by providing what you want in return- model the behaviors you want your child(ren) to demonstrate. Examples: speaking with a soft voice, walking gracefully, cleaning up after yourself, engaging deeply in your own work, listening intently, showing support, kindness and respect to others, helping others, acknowledging others positively, sitting when eating, having patience, … the list is never-ending. Just keep in mind, show the best to receive the best!
2. Strive for authenticity, not perfection:
Your family is your reality, and, in turn, your child’s reality. You are who you are and can do what you can do. The most important part in this is to make the best efforts that you can for you and your child and live your days as authentically as possible. Nobody is perfect, but we be work on being better everyday. Be ok with making mistakes, have fun, laugh and just honor the time you have with your young child as much as possible.
3. Practice Self-Reflection:
Take time to reset yourself! Reflection and actively changing one’s own approach is something that adults should practice often, in their work and their ‘home work’. During challenging times (trust me, everyone has them) if possible, calmly, making sure not to react negatively, take some deep breaths. Write down some notes of the moment to reflect on later. Do what you can do at the moment to remove your own emotions and reset them. At a later time, have yourself a meeting and think “what happened, what can I do to change the outcome,” and then make a plan and try again. 4. Show the process of living and working for it:
Model having an appreciation for establishing a good work ethic and committing to responsibilities. This is something that we often do not think about as being internalized by our children but it is, and so is everything else! Work to create a proper balance between work and play and your child will come to be able to balance this in the same way.
5. Model appropriate responses and emotions:
Children take in everything, it is the nature of being human. Our physical, emotional and verbal responses are being soaked up like a sponge, every last eye brow lift, sigh, smile, frown, everything. We must work on becoming more aware of our own reactions to model them as appropriately as possible for our children to then model themselves. Work to treat every situation, whether challenging or not, with as much calmness and grace as possible, working to show that negative behaviors are causing your stress. Reiterate the expectations you have set, either or action or routine, and stick to them. For example, if food is being thrown on the floor, have a small dustpan and brush and washcloth handy so you can respond with, “It looks like you’re not hungry. You can clean up and be done for now.”
6. Model good self-care, physical care and mental care:
Take note to place value on ways that you work to care for yourself and model this for your child. Eating healthy and nutritiously, exercising and being physically active, reading, listening to music, dancing, spending time with other family members or friends, whatever it is that makes you happy and keeps your body in a good place, do it and involve your child in it. Remember, they are absorbing everything around them so establishing good health, both inside and out, is being internalized from very young.
7. Treat Each Day as a New Beginning:
Forget what happened yesterday and try to handle every situation with a new set of eyes. Lingering on previous difficulty does nothing to help progress. Today, out of all days, may just be the day that you have been waiting for so welcome it with open arms and fresh enthusiasm.
8. Support the Developmental Process:
Two and Three year-olds can present with many challenges. This child is naturally working through the Developmental Crisis of Self-Affirmation, a period when he comes to realize that he is his own separate and therefore able to make his own choices. This period is when parents and caregivers often hear ‘no’ repeatedly. This, however, is a developmentally appropriate expression of choice and ability, of assertion. We should help this process along by staying true to what we have established in the home (as nonnegotiables) but also providing appropriate, real choices so that the child comes to more quickly understand what can be declined and what cannot. For example, “We must wear shoes to walk to our car, you can choose your boots or your sneakers.”
9. Simplify and Slow Down:
Remember that less is more. Use this strategy to be more present by doing less. Clear out clutter and clear the dynamic of ‘rush’- clear your schedule of too many plans and just take things more slowly. Bring more calmness and stillness to yourself and see how it effects your ability to be there for your child, support your child, and guide your child. Also, notice the calmness your calmness creates in your child.
10. Respect and Receive:
At the end of the day, children are just smaller humans trying to grow up in a world they are provided. They deserve as much of everything that we expect for ourselves, including kindness, attention and respect. Attend to your child with as much attention as you would an adult, speak with kind and supportive words, appreciate your child’s natural development and the physical, emotional and intellectual changes they pass through. When respect is given to others, respect is received. This is the same for your child!
There you have it, my top 10 strategies to becoming the best ingredient in this magic recipe for your Montessori magic!
Is it easy- nope.
Will it happen immediately- not at all.
Will it work in creating a deeper, more positive relationship with your child- absolutely!
As long as you bring yourself to reveal your own shine in realizing the effects of your own interactions, attention, acceptance and understanding of your child and his natural development and needs in progression, your Montessori journey will become that much brighter! You and your child will grow together in love, appreciation and peace! No better gift to your family than that!
